Mental Health Week!
It's mental health week, so I'm going to tell a story. An over sharing yet hopeful kind of story.
I'm sharing this, so you know you are not alone. so you know there is hope.
Some people like to sing in the shower. I like to dance.
And yes, I’m aware that dancing in the shower is dangerous. Believe you me, my brain has told me all the ways I can get hurt.
I have anxiety, and that means my brain is really good at trying to protect me.
Some days, my brain is Batman.
Other days my brain says not to leave my house, because there are people there. Some days I can’t drive a car. Some days I can’t talk to anyone.
Sometimes I can’t leave my bed.
Somedays my brain is Mother Gothel and I can't leave my tower.
These are sucky days, and I’m on medication which really helps. With my medicine, I can leave my house. I can talk to the cashier at the store, I can drive my kids to school, or connect with friends. I've found a really good balance in the last few years, and I'm at the point now, where my Mother Gothel days are few and far between.
But as awesome as the medicine is, I still have to fight my own brain in order to be at this point.
I do it mostly with music. I sing to the radio while I’m driving. I have to, otherwise I’ll realize I’m driving and start panicking. I force myself to talk to people, and afterward I celebrate every small social interaction that passed for human. Usually with music, sometimes with food.
It takes mental work to dance in the shower. I do not tap dance, or move my feet. I plant my feet, and bob at the knees. Mostly I just shake my shoulders to the song in my head.
But I dance. In the shower. Even though it’s a risk.
Because I have a mental illness, I have to fight my brain in order to live.
Some days my brain wins.
But when I win, I dance.